Lorrie Bertrand 9/18/25 Lorrie Bertrand 9/18/25

The Cost of Being the “Go-To” Person: Burnout in High-Achieving Women of Color

You’re dependable. Competent. The one people lean on.

At work, at home, in your friendships—when something needs to get done, it lands on your plate. And you handle it. You always have.

But behind the high performance and calm exterior? You’re exhausted. Overextended. Sometimes angry. Sometimes numb. And deeply unseen.

Being the “go-to” is not just a role. For many women of color, it’s a survival identity. But it’s costing you more than anyone realizes.

Lorrie Bertrand 9/4/25 Lorrie Bertrand 9/4/25

Why You Struggle to Ask for What You Need in Relationships

You know how to show up for others. You’re thoughtful. You anticipate. You give freely.

But when it’s your turn to speak up—to say “I need,” “I feel,” or “that doesn’t work for me”—you freeze. Or downplay. Or don’t say anything at all.

Then comes the resentment. The loneliness. The quiet wondering: “Why is this so hard for me?”

Here’s why: Because somewhere along the way, you learned that having needs wasn’t safe.

Lorrie Bertrand 8/21/25 Lorrie Bertrand 8/21/25

You’re the one your friends call when they’re spiraling. The listener. The advice-giver. The emotional anchor.

You rarely feel like you can fall apart. Or vent. Or just…be.

Because everyone’s used to you being the steady one.
The therapist friend. The “strong one.” The fixer. The emotional caretaker.

But here’s the thing: being that person in every circle isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a survival role. And it’s draining you.

Lorrie Bertrand 8/7/25 Lorrie Bertrand 8/7/25

You lie awake at night replaying conversations, planning for every possible outcome, trying to figure out how to make everyone okay.

You’re emotionally aware, high-functioning, deeply caring—and exhausted.

You don’t need to “calm down.” You need to be understood.