Unpacked
A blog on trauma healing, EMDR, burnout, and boundaries—for high-achieving women of color ready to unpack it all.
When the Cold Season Feels Heavy: Finding Ground Instead of Grit
You’ve accomplished a lot. You’ve checked the boxes, climbed the ladder, broken cycles. On paper, it looks like you’re thriving.
But inside? You’re tired. You second-guess your worth. You chase the next milestone not because you want it—but because slowing down feels unsafe.
If achievement is the only way you feel valuable, that’s not ambition. That’s armor. And it’s heavy.
When Achievement is Armor: Releasing the Need to Prove Yourself
You’ve accomplished a lot. You’ve checked the boxes, climbed the ladder, broken cycles. On paper, it looks like you’re thriving.
But inside? You’re tired. You second-guess your worth. You chase the next milestone not because you want it—but because slowing down feels unsafe.
If achievement is the only way you feel valuable, that’s not ambition. That’s armor. And it’s heavy.
EMDR for Anxiety That Doesn’t Respond to Talk Therapy Alone
You’ve done the work. You’ve journaled, read the books, unpacked your childhood in therapy. You know why you feel anxious. You’ve named the patterns.
But still—your body won’t let you exhale.
Your thoughts race, your stomach tightens, your sleep is disrupted, and your nervous system stays on high alert. You’ve outgrown survival, but your anxiety hasn’t caught up yet.
If that sounds familiar, talk therapy isn’t failing you. It just might not be reaching the part of you that needs the most support.
The Cost of Being the “Go-To” Person: Burnout in High-Achieving Women of Color
You’re dependable. Competent. The one people lean on.
At work, at home, in your friendships—when something needs to get done, it lands on your plate. And you handle it. You always have.
But behind the high performance and calm exterior? You’re exhausted. Overextended. Sometimes angry. Sometimes numb. And deeply unseen.
Being the “go-to” is not just a role. For many women of color, it’s a survival identity. But it’s costing you more than anyone realizes.
Why You Struggle to Ask for What You Need in Relationships
You know how to show up for others. You’re thoughtful. You anticipate. You give freely.
But when it’s your turn to speak up—to say “I need,” “I feel,” or “that doesn’t work for me”—you freeze. Or downplay. Or don’t say anything at all.
Then comes the resentment. The loneliness. The quiet wondering: “Why is this so hard for me?”
Here’s why: Because somewhere along the way, you learned that having needs wasn’t safe.
Are You a Therapist Friend in Every Circle? How That Role Drains You
You’re the one your friends call when they’re spiraling. The listener. The advice-giver. The emotional anchor.
You rarely feel like you can fall apart. Or vent. Or just…be.
Because everyone’s used to you being the steady one.
The therapist friend. The “strong one.” The fixer. The emotional caretaker.
But here’s the thing: being that person in every circle isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a survival role. And it’s draining you.
When You Can’t Shut Your Brain Off: Understanding Emotional Overwhelm in BIPOC Women
You lie awake at night replaying conversations, planning for every possible outcome, trying to figure out how to make everyone okay.
You’re emotionally aware, high-functioning, deeply caring—and exhausted.
You don’t need to “calm down.” You need to be understood.