The Cost of Being the “Go-To” Person: Burnout in High-Achieving Women of Color
Just because you can carry it all doesn’t mean you should have to
You’re dependable. Competent. The one people lean on.
At work, at home, in your friendships—when something needs to get done, it lands on your plate. And you handle it. You always have.
But behind the high performance and calm exterior? You’re exhausted. Overextended. Sometimes angry. Sometimes numb. And deeply unseen.
Being the “go-to” is not just a role. For many women of color, it’s a survival identity. But it’s costing you more than anyone realizes.
Why You Became the “Go-To” Person
You probably didn’t choose this role—it was assigned, or inherited.
You may have been:
The child who stepped in when adults couldn’t
The first-gen trailblazer expected to succeed without a net
The emotionally attuned friend who always showed up
The one who made life easier for everyone around her
You learned:
“If I’m helpful, I’ll be valued.”
“If I’m strong, I’ll stay safe.”
“If I don’t handle it, who will?”
It’s not just a pattern—it’s a trauma-informed way of staying connected, respected, and emotionally protected.
The Hidden Toll of Being Everyone’s Anchor
You don’t feel like you can rest—even when you're tired
You have no space to fall apart
You feel guilty saying no, even when you’re overwhelmed
You struggle to name your needs, let alone prioritize them
You’re praised for your reliability—but rarely checked on for your wellbeing
This is the emotional burnout no one talks about.
Why Burnout Looks Different in Women of Color
Many high-achieving BIPOC women have learned to perform strength in the face of systemic and cultural pressure. You’re not just succeeding—you’re surviving in environments that don’t always see your labor, emotional or otherwise.
So you push through. You smile. You don’t complain.
Until your body starts saying enough.
Burnout might show up as:
Brain fog, fatigue, or insomnia
Anxiety or irritability you can’t explain
Depression masked by high-functioning performance
Loss of motivation or feeling disconnected from yourself
How EMDR and Brainspotting Help You Break the Cycle
You don’t need another productivity hack. You need nervous system healing.
With EMDR and Brainspotting, we explore:
The memories and messages that taught you worth = usefulness
The moments where saying “no” felt unsafe or unacceptable
The fears that keep you overextending to avoid being rejected or replaced
How to build safety around not being the one who always shows up
This isn’t about doing less—it’s about being you, even when you’re not doing anything at all.
What Healing Looks Like
Saying “I can’t take that on” without spiraling into guilt
Resting without needing to earn it
Receiving help without questioning your strength
Knowing that your presence—not your performance—is what matters most
You’re not the support system. You are someone who deserves support.
Ready to Stop Being the Backbone and Start Being Held?
I work with high-achieving women of color who are tired of holding it all together for everyone else. Through trauma-informed therapy, we make space for you to be seen, supported, and soft again.
Let’s start your healing journey
Explore EMDR and Brainspotting for burnout and emotional labor
You don’t have to earn rest with exhaustion. You just have to believe you’re worth it—and I’ll help you get there.
