Are You a Therapist Friend in Every Circle? How That Role Drains You
You’re not their therapist, you’re just the one who always had to know what to do
You’re the one your friends call when they’re spiraling. The listener. The advice-giver. The emotional anchor.
You rarely feel like you can fall apart. Or vent. Or just…be.
Because everyone’s used to you being the steady one.
The therapist friend. The “strong one.” The fixer. The emotional caretaker.
But here’s the thing: being that person in every circle isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a survival role. And it’s draining you.
What Is the “Therapist Friend” Role?
It’s not just being supportive or empathic. It’s being default support. The one who:
Offers solutions when no one asked how you’re doing
Listens for hours and feels guilty for setting limits
Is emotionally attuned to everyone else but overlooked yourself
Feels uncomfortable not having the “right thing” to say
Rarely feels reciprocated in the same depth
It looks like being the grounded one. But often? It feels like being invisible.
Where This Role Comes From
You likely learned to be the therapist friend long before you had a word for it.
Maybe you were the emotionally aware kid in a family full of denial.
Maybe your needs were too big for the room, so you shrunk them—and showed up for others instead.
Maybe your emotional labor was how you kept connection, avoided conflict, or felt needed.
This role doesn’t mean you’re emotionally mature. It means you’ve been emotionally responsible for too long.
The Hidden Cost of Being the Go-To
Compassion fatigue from carrying too many emotional loads
Resentment that simmers under your “I got you” mask
Emotional burnout without a name or diagnosis
Loneliness in a room full of people who lean on you but don’t know you
Disconnection from your own needs and intuition
You might feel guilty for resenting this role—but that guilt is often tied to trauma, not truth.
How Therapy Helps You Reclaim Yourself
Through EMDR and Brainspotting, we can target:
The moments where you learned your feelings were less important
The beliefs that say “if I don’t help, I’m not valuable”
The nervous system patterns that push you into overfunctioning
The fear of being “too much” or not enough if you stop fixing others
We don’t just talk it out—we help your body release the emotional labor you were never meant to carry.
What Healing Looks Like
Letting others hold you, too
Feeling safe in silence, not obligated to fill every space
Saying “I’m not available right now” without spiraling
Being seen not just for your strength—but your softness, too
You’re allowed to step back. Not because you’re cold. But because you finally realized: your energy is sacred, too.
Ready to Retire from the Therapist Role in Your Circles?
I work with emotionally attuned women of color who are tired of being the emotional anchor—and ready to reconnect with their own truth, needs, and rest.
Let’s unpack the emotional labor
Learn how trauma therapy helps you feel safe not being “on” all the time
You don’t have to heal the room. Just take care of you.
