The Anxious Achiever: How Childhood Trauma Fuels Perfectionism
When high performance becomes a survival strategy
If you’re always striving, rarely resting, and still wondering if you’ve done enough—this is for you.
Because here’s the truth: that tight, anxious feeling that pushes you to do more, be more, achieve more? That’s not ambition. That’s survival.
For many high-achieving women of color, perfectionism isn’t a personality trait. It’s a trauma response.
You’re Not Just Driven, You’re Wired for Hypervigilance
You know how to deliver. You’re the one people count on. Deadlines? Handled. Group projects? You carry them. Family? You show up even when you’re running on fumes.
And yet—rest feels dangerous. Doing nothing feels like failure. You’re constantly reviewing what you said, how you looked, whether you did enough.
That’s not just anxiety. That’s your nervous system doing what it learned to do a long time ago: stay on high alert to keep you emotionally safe.
Where It Started: Performance = Love
Let’s rewind.
Maybe you were the “good one.” The helper. The fixer. Maybe being smart, polite, or dependable was how you earned attention in a chaotic or emotionally inconsistent environment. Maybe the adults in your life leaned on you more than they should have.
Somewhere along the line, your nervous system learned that love and safety came after proving yourself. That your value was in what you do, not who you are.
That’s not your fault. But it is something you can heal.
Signs You’re the Anxious Achiever
Let’s get clear. You might be stuck in a trauma-informed perfectionism loop if:
You procrastinate out of fear of getting it “wrong”
You downplay accomplishments and overanalyze mistakes
You feel guilty when you’re not being productive
You take on too much because saying no feels risky
You’re exhausted—but still pushing
This isn’t about discipline. It’s about your nervous system not knowing what safety without overworking feels like.
Why Talk Therapy Alone Might Not Be Enough
If you’ve tried therapy before and felt like intellectually you “get it,” but emotionally you're still stuck—you're not alone.
That’s where approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Brainspotting come in. These aren’t just “talk it out” methods. They help your brain and body process the felt experiences of being overlooked, overworked, and under-supported.
We work with your nervous system, not against it. So your body can finally start to believe it’s safe to let go of overachieving.
You Don’t Have to Prove Your Worth Anymore
This kind of healing isn’t about giving up ambition. It’s about reclaiming your wholeness—so that achievement becomes a choice, not a compulsion.
You get to redefine success. You get to rest without guilt. You get to feel enough, even on your softest, quietest days.
Ready to Unpack What’s Underneath the Hustle?
I work with emotionally intelligent, high-functioning women of color who are done with surviving and ready to heal.
If you’re tired of checking boxes and still feeling empty, therapy can help you come home to yourself.
Let’s work together
Learn more about EMDR + Brainspotting
You don’t have to do it all. You just have to begin.
