You’re Not “Too Sensitive”: Understanding Emotional Neglect and Its Impact on Romantic Bonds
When your emotional needs were unmet, not excessive
You’ve probably heard it: “You’re too sensitive.” “You take everything personally.” Maybe you’ve even said it to yourself.
But what if your sensitivity isn’t the problem?
What if it’s the response to years of emotional needs being unmet, minimized, or ignored?
Let’s get one thing straight: Emotional neglect isn’t about what was done to you. It’s about what was missing.
What Is Emotional Neglect?
Emotional neglect happens when caregivers consistently fail to notice, respond to, or validate your emotional needs.
It’s subtle. There may have been no yelling, abuse, or chaos. But there also wasn’t attunement, curiosity, or comfort. You were expected to “be fine” on your own.
You learned:
Don’t be a burden
Don’t make waves
Your needs = too much
So you became self-sufficient. Independent. And emotionally invisible (even to yourself).
How This Shows Up in Romantic Relationships
Fast forward to adulthood:
You crave connection and fear it.
You want deep intimacy, but shut down when someone gets too close.
You sense emotional shifts instantly, and overthink them for hours.
That’s not being “too sensitive.” That’s your nervous system scanning for safety in relationships where it once had to survive without emotional support.
Signs You May Have Been Emotionally Neglected
You minimize your own feelings or say “I’m fine” even when you’re not
You feel uncomfortable expressing needs or asking for support
You struggle to trust emotional intimacy
You feel “too needy” for wanting reassurance
You attract emotionally unavailable partners
You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to emotional starvation with high attunement—and a desperate hunger for what was missing.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing emotional neglect isn’t about “toughening up” or learning to need less. It’s about giving yourself the emotional care you never received.
In therapy, especially with EMDR and Brainspotting, we:
Validate the impact of what you didn’t get
Rewire beliefs that your needs are “too much”
Help your nervous system feel safe receiving support
Rebuild emotional fluency—so you can name, feel, and share your truth
You weren’t born disconnected. You were conditioned to believe your feelings didn’t matter.
Your Sensitivity Is a Strength, Not a Flaw
You’re not broken, you’re deeply tuned in. Your emotional depth is a gift. You just haven’t had safe spaces that could hold it—yet.
Therapy can help you create those spaces, both internally and in your relationships.
Ready to Stop Shrinking Your Needs to Keep the Peace?
I support emotionally aware women of color who’ve been told to “get over it”—when what they needed was someone to get it.
Start your healing work with Lorrie
Learn how EMDR + Brainspotting can help you feel safe to feel again
Your feelings were never “too much.” Let’s reclaim them together.
